When I became a vegan, it didn’t take too long for me to start feeling pretty damn good about myself. I made the change because I wanted to act according to beliefs I held about the ecosystem, animal consciousness, and economics. Achieving this kind of authenticity was deeply pleasing, and this strange and powerful satisfaction rolls over me every time I eat, every time I see a restaurant, every time I even think about food. Over the course of several months, it has grown into a monolithic self-image.
Surprise - I find myself judging other people for not being vegan. People have told me, “I really respect how you don’t preach or judge anyone else, you’re just focused on yourself.” If only they knew. If only they could feel the cruel sentiments that boil in my brain when I watch a piece of meat being consumed.
Now let me clarify quickly that when I say judge I don’t mean I actually give credence to those angry thoughts. But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I wrestle with them on a daily basis.
It turns out that the pleasure of being proud of myself has its costs. You might say that there’s nothing wrong with a little self-appreciation, a little self-respect. I do not mean to devalue these attributes. Rather, I want to reiterate that self-perceptions can be belligerent.
Finding new definitions for ourselves means rejecting old ones, and this process is not confined to the individual. I have not met another vegan since I made the switch, so every person I meet is a reminder of my former lifestyle. I am constantly shown how much more convenient eating could be, and I remember what it was like. My vegan side, in an effort to resist and sustain itself, resorts to judgement. No, it tells me, you’re better than them.
I do not think I have to beleaguer the point that thinking of one’s self as superior to others is dumb and unproductive. What I do want to address is how we can regulate our identities as vegans in a way that preserves feelings of camaraderie with our fellow human beings as well as empower us to grow and better ourselves as responsible citizens and stewards of this world.
The key, I believe, is awareness of opportunity. Sure, it took some courage for me to choose to adopt the vegan lifestyle, but I also happened to be at an auspicious point of my life for making that decision, all thanks to a privileged background. I was living by myself for the first time, so I did not have to endure playful or sincere harassment from roommates or family. On top of that, there was a grocery store nearby that offered vegan options, and I knew about vegan community sites like /r/vegan. I had the privilege of being white, male, and educated, which increased the probability of me being hired as an AmeriCorps VISTA, which in turn increased the likelihood of me reading books like The Necessary Revolution by Peter Senge and I am a Strange Loop by Douglas Hofstadter (both greatly influenced my decision). I was fortunate enough to be raised in a very supportive family and am currently engaged to a very supportive young woman. Assuredly, this list of conditions is not exhaustive, but you get the point. Marvel with me at the role of sheer coincidence in our lives. I am vegan by choice, yes, but that choice could not have been made had I not arrived at an opportune juncture.
Thinking of yourself as a vegan, a vegetarian, a donor, a volunteer, an environmentalist, a socialist, a caregiver, a good person - can be dangerous. When you take on a new identity, even if it is positive, it is difficult to abstain from judging others for not being like you. Unfortunately, this sort of judgement hampers self-growth. I take courage from those around me. Judging someone based on one model, like veganism, prevents me from seeing other manifestations of love, compassion, and bravery. Every person has access only to the opportunities that their life circumstances have delivered, and we owe it to each other to be aware of that diversity as we strive to be more awesome human beings.
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